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This is How I Feel Today

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As a full-time writer – after 30+ years as a University professor, teaching non-stop so I could earn a meager retirement, live without debts, and write full-time – a writer who’s been published traditionally for almost 40 years who is now Indie publishing, I wish I could say that this is how I feel today: like God-inspired lyrics and music are flowing from my pen, as they did from Leonard Cohen’s when he wrote “If It Be Your Will;” and I wish that when I read aloud what I’m revising, it sounded like the angels themselves when Antony sings Leonard Cohen’s “If It Be Your Will”. (Do not be fooled by Antony’s appearance.)

Instead, after spending 12 fruitless hours yesterday completely redoing my blog-site, which was first mangled, then disappeared completely when I simply tried to update the theme I was already using, and ending up with a flowery über-pinky-pink girly theme on my blog; after spending nearly a month trying to revise one of my Out-of-Print (OP) novels as a Kindle ebook and hating every single thing I wrote; after spending over 1/2 my tax refund for emergency vet bills to save one of our cats’ lives and eyesight (saved her life but not her eyesight); after spending 1/3 of the remaining part of my tax refund fixing every single thing that could possibly go wrong in your house at the same time; after emptying my savings fixing everything in my ’99 Jeep Wrangler; after spending a year getting all the rights to my NY-accepted-but-unpublished and OP books back so I could them learn the arduous task of making them into ebooks – after all that, instead of feeling like God is speaking to me as I write, or that my words sound like the voices of angels, or even that my work sounds like Antony singing Cohen’s “If It Be Your Will,” this is how I feel today: like Brad and Edward in Fight Club.

Yeah…

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