Tag Archives: Miley Cyrus

What You Can Tell about Miley Cyrus by Watching her Videos

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Okay, we all know that Disney’s Hannah Montana has grown up with a vengeance, but lately, since her “haircut liberated her,” you can discover a lot more about Miley Cyrus from her music videos  than you might have known about her when her hair was long, or even from listening to her on talk shows.

The “liberating haircut” might be a coincidence. This “new” Miley might have always been hiding under her longer hair. Nevertheless, a sampling of her recent videos tells you virtually everything you need to know about the adult, grown-up Miley Cyrus, formerly revered as Hannah Montana.

This new information about Miley didn’t start coming out with “Wrecking Ball,” but the furor and backlash seem to.

So, apparently, she thinks shaving 3/4 of her head is a grown-up hairstyle.

She thinks her mouth and serpentine-length tongue are incredibly attractive, though she denies it on Ellen,

And she likes to put really weird, gross things in her mouth, like sledge-hammers, chains that hold her on a wrecking ball, or metal barbells.

She has really big teeth, and she likes to show them off.

She has no clothes except underwear, or a faux cheerleading outfit cut to look like underwear.

She’s really thin, too thin, skeletal thin, anorexic-bulimic thin. Which you can only tell now because she’s always appearing nude or in underwear in the new videos. I guess she believes in the adage “You can never be too rich,  have too many video views, or be too thin.”

She thinks all false eyelashes should resemble those worn by Liza Minnelli in Cabaret.

Liza Minnelli in her underwear and eyelashes in CABARET.

Liza Minnelli in her underwear and eyelashes in CABARET.

She thinks showing her (mostly) nude body is more important than the lyrics of any song she’s singing, or any storyline in its accompanying video.

If there were a #TeamFollowBack for most views on Vevo or YouTube, Miley would subscribe to it, since her goal seems to get the most hits in a day, and not from a pipe.

She broke the record for most video-views in 24 hours for “Adore You” even though it’s one of the dullest videos ever made to accompany a song.

She thinks shock-value = entertainment = art.

She can bounce as long as both feet are on the floor, but she can’t dance.

She can roll on a flat surface, even with a sheet over her face or in her mouth, but she can’t dance.

She can perch on the edge of a bathtub or in the back seat of a limo wearing stilettos (“Who Owns My Heart”), but she can’t dance (unlike Lady Gaga, who dances in stilettos that look like they’d break her legs and her neck if she even sneezed).

She can pose “real cool” with a bunch of people around her — mostly behind her — but she can’t dance.

She thinks explicit lyrics or sexually suggestive movements are “grown-up”, as in “23.”

She thinks tattoos wash off like Crayola Magic Markers, so the more tatts, the better.

She thinks false fingernails should be longer than one’s fingers, and they should be put in your mouth constantly, with those lips, teeth, and tongue.

Miley thinks she is the hottest thing in underwear, notwithstanding the fact that, unlike Liza Minnelli, Madonna, and Lady Gaga, who can dance and sing while garbed in nothing but underwear, Miley can’t dance.

Oh, well, at least she can sing.

Right?

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Filed under Humor, Music Videos, Music/Song

Why Madonna’s “Vogue” is still the Vogue-iest

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These days, what with all the outrageous music videos being made by artists like Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus — some of which seem to have a serious disconnect between the song and the accompanying video — it’s instructive to reflect on one of the videos of the artist these two are most often compared to, for shock value if for nothing else: Madonna.

Madonna was a trend-setter. She had beauty, talent, and brains. She went into her own contract negotiation meetings with her record label, dressed in a business suit, and handled her own career. Brilliantly.

She went to clubs constantly, to stay on top of what was trendy, exciting, interesting, and dance-able. Sorry, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being able to dance to a catchy tune, and I don’t think it makes less artistic.

She kept her body in top shape for all the dancing she had to do, in the videos and in her stage shows, but hadn’t gotten to the place where she is now: all bones and sinew, no meat or fat. Yes, she was attractive then, and though she knew it, she didn’t show off too much of her body, concentrating instead on her face and physical fitness.

One of the best videos Madonna ever made accompanied her song “Vogue”. It features Madonna at her finest, and, for several reasons, is still the classiest and Vogue-iest video she ever made.

1) It’s filmed in black & white. Call me a sucker, but I fall hard for anything brave enough to be filmed in black & white, where lighting and shadow are virtually everything, rather than letting bright colors do all the work.

2) Madonna turned artifice into art. Word on the streets (of Manhattan) is that she got the idea for “Vogue” from gay and/or drag dance clubs where men regularly did these kind of “dances” (they wanted to be recognized for their “contribution” after the song and video came out, but, hey, they could have made it themselves before she did, couldn’t they?). Yes, virtually all musicians with videos are being artificially artsy: it’s entertainment. But here, Madonna acknowledges the artifice with the phrase “Strike a Pose” — while striking a pose, of course — and raises the artifice to art, albeit only music-video art.

3) No nude or sheer bra and panties for Madonna here. She understood that a woman’s back and shoulders (in the beaded satin dress at the beginning, and in the bustier at the end) can be even sexier than nipples or slipping hands into your panties. And the black lace top she wears through much of the first part of the video is classy and sexy, without revealing anything.

4) The synchronized hand movements are easy to imitate. (They’re also easy to mock, as Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan did in their car-Vogue-ing scene in A Night at the Roxbury.) But for those of us who aren’t as physically fit or coordinated as Madonna or her background dancers, we can Vogue with our hands and arms. Just like she does.

5) The video is filled with beautiful men. I know that background dancers, male or female, are supposed to be in the background, behind the star, but in this video, Madonna lets them be onscreen, alone, front and center, at times. Brava for her. And I don’t care if they’re BGT of LBGT: a beautiful man is a beautiful man and a joy to behold. Especially in a tux.

6) Along with her “Strike a pose,” Madonna, with a gap between her two front teeth, which most people would have had fixed, also reminds us that “Beauty’s where you find it,” mentioning Bette Davis, among others, as examples of such beauty.

You can dance to it even it you can’t dance. You can sing along even if you can’t sing. Madonna is classy and beautiful. There are lots of lovely men to look at. Everybody keeps their clothes on.

Still the Vogue-iest Vogue of all time.

 

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Filed under Music Videos, Music/Song, Videos